I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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