Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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