My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
