Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
