WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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