You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
