honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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