I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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