Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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