What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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