Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
