i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
