i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
