If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
