i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
