Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
