so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
