i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
