so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
