Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
