now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
