Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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