I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
