if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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