Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
