Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
