Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong

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(404): View more from Georgia

don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts

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(210): View more from Texas

I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

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(860): View more from Connecticut

How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.

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(469): View more from Texas

I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.

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