I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
