I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
