I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
