I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need a beard to bite.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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