Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
