I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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