member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
