Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
