Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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