Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
