He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
