Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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