what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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