No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
