I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
