I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
