I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
