i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
