Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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