Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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