watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
