She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
