why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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