well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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