we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
