i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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