Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we made out on top of his cat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
