I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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