I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
