I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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