girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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