I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
