Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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