Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize