Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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