I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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