just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
