just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
