I need help removing her.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
