apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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