You made me cry and you don't even care
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
