Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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