Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
