i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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