the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
