just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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