i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
