I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
