So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
