I think I am morally bankrupt
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
