clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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