Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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